SHORT SHOTS

I haven’t decided yet whether I want to die from Hanti Virus, West Nile Virus, arsenic in rice, a Jihadist or ingestion of too many big gulps.  I’ll probably die from high blood pressure over how Obama is handling this Middle East, African and Asian protest stuff.  

It’s obvious that Jesus Christ was not married. If he was, his wife would have been doing all the talking.  

I don’t know why there’s all of this sudden fuss over Obama calling for the redistribution of wealth.  That’s been his position since before the last election and Joe the Plumber can attest to that.  But, since that’s his position, why doesn’t he redistribute some of his wealth to his relatives in Kenya who live in absolute poverty?  Maybe that’s different? 

I’ve got a solution to two problems: Rather than release Omar Abdel-Rahman to Egypt from Federal prison, let’s send Eric Holder over there.  He knows how to run guns and get away with it. 

The polar ice caps are shrinking at unpredicted and unprecedented rates, which undoubtedly explains why Nancy Pelosi has water on the brain. 

Don’t you just love it when someone calls you on their cellphone and then proceeds to order dinner in a fancy restaurant while you wait?  And, what do you do when you get calls from two political organizations asking for donations at the same exact time?  I just connected them to each other and left the phone sitting on the desk. 

Did you read that 1,000 church pastors are going to defy an IRS ruling and preach politics from their pulpits?  The ruling says they can’t do that and still be tax exempt, and their argument is that the ruling is a violation of their First Amendment rights.  Obama’s trying to figure out how to get his hands on the receipts from the collection plates.  Maybe Bernie Madoff can figure it out. 

The polls show that the November Presidential Election is still neck and neck.  There were 75 million eligible Americans who did not vote in the last election.  Short of holding guns to their heads, how can we get them to the polls this year?  We need their votes.  We cannot risk another four years with Obama.  Let’s head for the hardware stores and get our hands on some cattle prods. 

Senator Mitch McConnell read the riot act to the Senate’s Congressional Democrats the other day for sitting on their collective donkey-butts and refusing to address the nation’s serious issues.  The sly Democrats are able to say they have not over-spent the national budget because they have failed to enact a budget for the last three years. 

I wish we could get the U.N. Ambassador Rice, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and Jay Carney into the same room at the same time and get a straight story on what’s been going on in the Middle East.  Even with them all in the same room, I’m willing to bet you’d get four different stories… all laundered on the spin cycle.    

I’ll bet Obama never played football; he fumbles too much. 

Now they’re saying top White House aides on the advance team may have been involved with the same Columbian hookers that got the Secret Service in dutch.  Nahhh.  We all know that everyone in the White House is squeaky clean, right?  You don’t suppose that Obama could have, uhh… well, you know.  I mean, he’s been learning from Bill Clinton, right?   

Now that Mitt has released his tax returns, we can look forward to Obama’s release of a genuine birth certificate any day now. 

Somehow, I think if we had Benjamin Netanyahu as our President, we wouldn’t be in all of these messes.

That’s MY AMERICAN OPINION, respectfully submitted.