SHORT SHOTS FOR SPRING

Every once in a while, I get in the mood to fire off some Short Shots.  This is your lucky day.

Of course we know that the California economy sucks.  One of the many, many reasons is the City of Long Beach, which just signed a deal with a Chinese company to manufacture some electric buses.  You’re right: the jobs will be in China and the financing is done with U.S. taxpayer dollars.  We shouldn’t allow our great thinkers to take their brains out and play with them. 

A Pennsylvania woman who went missing back in 2002 and was declared dead has surfaced in Florida.  The rumor is that she decided to drop out of society when she had a premonition of Obama’s coming election.  She had been in divorce proceedings at the time and was having problems with housing.  She should have looked up Barney Frank. 

Woo & Prince of New York City is getting ready to market a dress shirt that can be worn for 100 days without washing, dry cleaning or ironing and, they say, without odor.  It is made with wool.  Now, I’ve learned something…. Evidently, I guess sheep don’t stink, (probably because, as we all know, they’re Democrats). (Woo, woo, prince!)

Bolivia’s President Evo Morales Wednesday expelled the U.S. Agency for International Development for allegedly seeking to undermine Bolivia's leftist government, and he harangued Washington's top diplomat for calling the Western Hemisphere his country's "backyard."  In 2008, Morales expelled the U.S. ambassador and agents of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration for allegedly inciting the opposition. On Wednesday, he said Washington "still has a mentality of domination and submission" in the region.  When will we ever learn? 

There’s no truth to the story that the FBI is looking for the remains of a Union military jet aircraft allegedly shot down by the Confederates near the Appomattox battle field during the Civil War. 

You’ve got to hand it to Microsoft: Millions of users of their operating systems can’t get onto their computers because the new Windows 8 doesn’t have a start button.  Vrooom!  Vrooom! 

You can buy land for about $20 an acre from a real estate mogul located in Gardnerville, Nevada.  The only problem is, getting a house built on your lot; the land is on the moon, Venus, Mars, Mercury… you name it, you’ll have your choice of the solar system.  Let’s get together and buy 100 acres and we’ll build a retirement residence for Obama on the Moon. 

The stock market almost shot to 20,000 the other day when Obama said, “Maybe I should just pack up and go home.”  Of course, he was kidding; he really doesn’t want us to know where “home” is. 

What I cannot for the life of me understand is: if they can’t enforce the gun laws they already have on the books, how can they possibly enforce any more?  Take Chicago, for instance:  they have the toughest gun laws in the country and the highest rate of gun crimes.  What that translates to is: if you want your crime rate to go up, make more gun control laws. 

Why doesn’t Obama just get it over with and declare the Constitution null and void? 

Here we sit in a country full of radical Muslim cells and you want us to get rid of our guns?

Are you really ready for a Hillary-Michelle ticket in 2016? 

If I have your bowels in an uproar, don’t be surprised to see the Republicans counter that with a Bush-Christi ticket.  If you really think you have a choice in whom they put up, study the last election. 

Now that Americans have had a chance to find out what actually is in the ObamaCare law “away from the fog of the moment,” they all want Nancy Pelosi to visit a proctologist. 

Harry Reid is on the hot seat, just where he should be.  He’s got a President who is demanding gun control legislation and he represents a state where there are more legal gun owners per square foot than there are Czars in the White House. 

Obama insists that U.S. intelligence is right on top of things.  As in Benghazi?  As in Iran?  As in North Korea?  As in Boston?  As in… What’s next?  I guess I’d better not talk about it; Obama might fire me. 

That’s MY AMERICAN OPINION, respectfully submitted.