SHORT SHOTS

Gosh, folks, it’s been over a year since I last wrote a “Short Shot’s” Post.  Here we go…

Dirty Harry can now claim to be the "Fastest Mudslinger in the West."  He says Romney keeps all of his money in offshore banks.  Where does Reid keep his? Maybe the reason Reid won’t disclose his own tax returns is that not all of Mr. Clean Face’s money is clean? 

Has it occurred to you that if we all pack up and leave the United States, there won’t be any environmental problems here anymore?  But, who would be left to pay off the National Debt? 

Nancy Pelosi has her tongue wagging again.  Now she says we should all try to be more like China.  Little does she realize that you, I and 143 million other Americans would gladly pony up a dollar each to move her there. 

There is truth to the rumor that Obama and his cronies intend to sign on to a United Nations Treaty that would ban private ownership of guns throughout the world.  The measure came up recently for a vote and the U.S. voted against it, but the State Department added under its breath that the subject should be revisited after the November elections if Obama wins. 

Isn’t it too bad that Obama doesn’t have any religion to cling on to?  By the way, since he helped you build your business, look for him to send “the boys” around to collect their share… know what I mean?  (Wink wink.)

Say!  If you like to party, (and who doesn’t?), you need to sign up for a government job today.  You get higher pay than you can make in private life for the same job, you get frequent $1,000 bonuses, and you get to go to Hawaii or Las Vegas on a regular basis for team parties.  Sign up today! 

Isn’t it interesting, now that more and more states are putting traditional marriage clauses into their constitutions, the Democrats have decided to evade the issue by putting that national recognition of gay marriage on their party plank?  Why don’t they just have Obama issue another one of his famous “Executive Orders?” 

I’m so sick and tired of telephone calls from people wanting me to donate.  The Republicans must have at least 23 different organizations that call.  Then, there’s the Tea Parties, Heritage, and all of the charities of the country.  I’d like to see it become illegal to make these calls, but I suspect there would then be another 1 million people out of work.  Speaking of which, the Democrats have insisted that unemployment is not 8.3%; it’s only 8.275%. 

It seems the White House has more leaks than a pack of untrained dogs. One TV show that will never be filmed there, "I've Got a Secret."  

I wonder what is so repugnant to Obama about my belief in God that he and his goons so actively seek to marginalize Him?  Hell, if his parents had practiced contraception, we wouldn’t be having this problem.  Another thing… Word has it that 97% of Kenyans don’t want him back.  

And, if you're looking for a no-interest loan, slip in to the local Department of Energy Office and pretend you're the President of Solyndra, a terrific solar energy company.  After the loan comes through, simply declare bankruptcy and that money is all yours.  Maybe you might consider making a donation to the Obama campaign, just so there's no hard feelings? 

I know who Romney is going to pick for his Vice President, but I’m not saying just in case I’m wrong.  I’ll let you know after the official announcement whether I was right or not. 

Finally, if you're a male, don't look for a job in the Department of Homeland Security.  Evidently, Janet doesn't like men.  

Aren't you glad you read this one?   

That’s MY AMERICAN OPINION, respectfully submitted.