SHOOT, YOU IDIOT!

There are all of those twits abounding out there who insist that I am a right-wing extremist who wants to murder, rob, plunder and steal.  You see, I am a gun owner. 

Not only am I a gun owner, but I own several.  I own a Weatherby Athena 12 gauge shotgun, a Springfield 22/17 target rifle, a Colt Pony 25 caliber semi-automatic pistol and a Glock 23 .40 caliber semi-automatic pistol pistol.  I do not own an AK-47, but I do own a slingshot.  Now, let’s just stop there, with my obvious and blatant crackpot ownership of weapons of mass destruction. 

Well, I'm going to have to admit that I have a permit to carry a concealed weapon in 34 states.  And, I should add, I have owned guns since I was 12 years old.  Does that get me into the category of being dangerous to society yet? 

Yes, I did have great apprehension about sashaying into the local gun store and plunking down $1,000 for another semi-automatic pistol and trimmings.  I did have to ask myself what my neighbors might think.  I am known in the area as being a nice, quiet and unobtrusive hermit, you understand.   But, with all of these guns…?  My God, if the word got out, I could be run out of town on the no-longer-existing rail!

Would the American Legion drop my membership?  Would Prince William not invite me to his wedding?  Would Barack Hussein Obama admit that his new birth certificate was a fake?  Who knows, I reasoned with myself, what this latest action on my part might bring?  Will the price of gas go up?  Will K-Mart quit its blue light specials? 

Well, I went ahead and bought it. 

Now, mind you, I have purchased previous guns in this state, have owned guns since I was 12 and never shot anyone, and can carry concealed weapons in all of these 34 states and… California wants to make me wait ten days to pick up my new treasure.  I guess they’re afraid I might take this new gun and go shoot somebody, leaving all of my other horde of weapons behind. 

“Well, just what does anyone need with more than one gun, for God’s sake?” my liberal friends might ask.  Did it ever occur to you that, when I go around the bend and hole up inside my palace and start shooting at butterflies that I might want to be able to shoot more than 10 rounds?  Hell, you idiots, I have more than 2,000 rounds of ammo in various sizes stored here.  Yeah, I could take out 2,000 of you blooming idiots! 

Hmmmm.  That thought makes me want to go down to the store and buy another 12,000 rounds, if you ask me.  Now that I think more about it, why not?  If I got rid of 14,000 of you anti-gun freaks, I’d be hailed forever as a national hero. They’d build statues in my honor and throw dandelions on my tomb! 

I’m really dangerous, you know.  Really.  Don't mess with me, now. 

That’s MY AMERICAN OPINION, respectfully submitted.