Every year at this time, I pause to reflect on last year's resolutions and try to outdo myself in predicting what will happen next year.
Here's what I predicted for 2016:
1. Obama will get caught spying on Donald Trump.
2. Hillary will not be the Democratic nominee for president.
3. 80% of those running for reelection to Congress will lose their seats.
4. Miley Cyrus will not join a convent.
5. Tom Brady will get caught over-inflating footballs.
6. Nancy Pelosi will try, one more time, to find a cosmetologist willing to give her a face lift.
7. Joe Biden will say something absolutely stupid.
8. The Chicago White Sox will not win the World Series.
9. Michael Moore will keep his mouth shut.
10. A wave of UFO sightings will occur around the world, several of which will land at Disney World trying to find our president.
I still can't believe I blew Number 8.
Now for 2017:
1. Obama and Clinton will both switch political parties.
2. Trump will make a Tweet.
3. Nobody from Hollywood will move to Canada.
4. Jill Stein will file a lawsuit against Melania Trump.
5. Kim Jong-un will get his legs stretched.
6. Donald Duck will divorce Daisy and marry Mickey Mouse.
7. Someone will get murdered in Chicago.
8. Megyn Kelly will get booted from FOX NEWS and replaced by Roseanne Barr.
9. California will go to pot.
10. Barack Obama will admit his Hawaiian birth certificate is a fake.
How can I go wrong?
That's MY AMERICAN PREDICTION, respectfully submitted.
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