WELCOME TO THE AFTERLIFE

SPECIAL POST

I was immediately aware that things had changed when I awakened to no electricity in the house; I looked out the bedroom window to see if my neighbors’ lights were out as well, which they were.  I picked up the phone to call the power company and… no dial tone.  So, I reached for the cell phone; no signal.  What was going on? 

Thinking there might be something in the newspaper to shed light on the situation, I headed for the front stoop.  The headlines explained everything: “SEQUESTER STARTS!!!” 

The hookers who live down the street were lamenting because the Secret Service had cancelled its 2013 convention.  The cop who lives across the street, normally at work at this hour of the day, waved and explained that he’d been laid off by Obama.  “I always thought I worked for the city,” he shrugged. 

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion in the sky.  As we looked up, the cop said, “That’s another mid-air collision, I’ll bet.  The Air Traffic Controllers have been laid off, too.  Planes have been going down like flies!” 

“My God,” I exclaimed to myself, “It’s true!  Obama was right!  When Sequestering kicks in, the country falls apart.” 

The preacher next door interrupted my thoughts. “I guess you know,” he snarled, “the Chinese just invaded and they’re taking over the country because the Navy can’t sail and the Air Force can’t fly.  No money, you know.  As for you, you’d better kiss your ass and your soul good-bye.  It’s all your fault, you know.” 

“That’s right, you are a racist!” the cop yelled at me, running from across the street.  “I’ll fix your butt!  Give me your guns!  Give them to me right now or I'll give you life in prison!” 

“But, I thought Obama was only exaggerating!” I protested. 

By then, the hookers were in the front yard, too.  “You right-wing, bigot!” they scorned.  “Just how do you think we’re gonna get our welfare checks and disability payments?” 

Most thankfully, at that very precise moment my alarm clock sounded and I was saved from my nasty nightmare.  “Not so fast,” Obama said.  “During the night, you died.  Welcome to Hades.  I’m in charge here.  And now, you know where I was born."  

That’s MY AMERICAN OPINION, respectfully submitted.