IS YOUR FLY OPEN?

I can’t think of anything more embarrassing than to show up at a friend’s or relative’s house for a Labor Day BBQ party with your fly open, especially when they’re throwing a big block party.  The only thing that could possibly top this gaffe would be to stand up in front of the country as President and say that next month, you’re going to make jobs your number priority after you’ve been saying the same thing every month for the past 30 months. 

So, there you stand, oblivious to the fact that everyone knows you are wearing shorts with hearts on them and along comes the most beautiful woman you have ever met.  “Hi, handsome,” she coos and everyone else snickers.  You figure they’re just jealous Democrats. 

Hopefully, someone will come along and tell you, “Ahem, your soldier is in danger of coming out.”  Yeah, like you suddenly feel like a Marine coming home from Afghanistan.  You don’t know it, but everyone at the party thinks you must be related to Barack Obama because he’s always trying to screw someone. 

“I know what YOU want,” the guy at the grill says.  “You want a tube steak.”  Now, how did he know that?  Was that Rush Limbaugh making a political prediction? 

I was at a party once and this happened to me and the host came over and said I should zip up.  I looked down to hearts and flowers and realized that I had made an ass out of myself.  I immediately did zip up and along came the beautiful dame again, this time saying, “Well, I’m so sorry to see that you don’t want to sport around.”  Now, I felt lower than a snake’s belly. 

So, be careful this Labor Day weekend.  You never know who might be in the party crowd.  The Lord surely knows that you would not want to be at such an event with your fly open and along comes Nancy Pelosi. 

That’s MY AMERICAN OPINION, respectfully submitted.